My true feelings
by UnbreakableOwlz
Summary: "You have changed me Harry Potter into someone so much better than what I was before. Knowing and loving you was the best decision of my life." Draco writes a letter to Harry.


A/N: I don't own any of the characters. I hope you like it, I tried my best.

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_Nothing ever was normal for us throughout our relationship. In the beginning we hated each other. Always pulling on each other's nerves and always trying to pick a fight. All I wanted to do was punch you to make you shut up, but every time I saw you I stopped myself. Those emerald eyes of yours had me dazed for seconds on end. I was always able to shake myself before you actually noticed._

_I will never understand the jealousy I felt when you were always better in Defense against the Dark Arts than I was. I guess it was because of how easy it came to you. But I also noticed the anger in your eyes when I was better in potions. _

_Everyone adored you in their own twisted way, while I sat in the backgrounds watching you from the side lines. I never understood what made you so popular. After all you were just a baby when He-who-must-not-be-named was defeated. Was it even your doing in his disappearance? Of course it was, with your hero complex even at the age of one. Nothing surprised me after the first year of school when you fought Quirrell. _

_It seemed like you played hero every single year we were in school. But then fourth year came around. I never actually believed you were the one to put your name in the Goblet of fire. You weren't smart enough to get passed the old coot's powerful age spell. Not smart enough, yet at least. Your intelligence seemed to grow with you. I had to hide my excitement when you finally got the golden egg. I felt bad for you when I heard what you had to go through with He-who-must-not-be-named. I had to stop myself from ruining my reputation and comfort you. I had to tell myself that I hated you and you were nothing to me. The look on your face made me think otherwise. _

_Throughout the years I had to put on a mask and make myself hate you. I put all my strength in throwing insult after insult toward you. You seemed to take it well and just push me away, like an ugly annoying bug. Part of me hated you for that but the other part was relieved my insults didn't bother you._

_When six year finally rolled around I was slowly breaking down. Caving into the feelings I truly felt for you but was hiding for years. That's when I decided to run into you on purpose._

_You were headed toward your dormitory, so I decided to bump shoulders with you. I just needed contact with you even though you never understood why I tended to always bump shoulders with you._

_"I'm not in the mood to fight with you today, Malfoy." You said. I noticed how your emerald eyes looked empty. It broke my heart just a little bit._

_My next few attempts at getting your attention failed miserably and my mind was screaming to give up. But what I felt for you in my heart made my determination increase. But then that night came, the night I was not expecting. It will forever haunt my mind and I will never destroy the memory._

_It started off like a normal day of you ignoring my tries of getting you to do something. Even yell and hit me would be better than this silent treatment I was getting. I didn't have any clue what I did or what was going on with you. You seemed empty and it hurt me to see you so dull. I wanted to fix it, to comfort you, to make the sparkle come back to your eyes but it was impossible. Until I saw you sitting in the room of requirements._

_I swear I didn't follow you, I just needed some alone time. I almost backed out and left but something pulled me toward you. And I'm glad that something pulled me because it changed both of us that night._

_You looked upset sitting alone on the couch. I approached you slowly trying not to startle you but you seemed to be aware of my presence as you turned around and met my stare. I stood frozen watching you get up and walk toward me only stopping a few feet away. _

_"So you found me, do your worst." You said, which had me confused._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Aren't you here to torment me or fight? Duel?" You looked emotionless._

_I shook my head trying to place exactly what you meant. You thought I was here to fight with you and torture you. You silly Gryffindor, idiot. You always had a knack for surprising me._

_"No, I just came to talk." You stayed silent as I kept talking. "I've noticed a change in you. You aren't the same Gryffindor that would fight back with me. Even after I kept bumping into you and throwing insult after insult toward you. You just looked and walked away like nothing happened. You made me realize that I've been being childish and I apologize for that." I never expected myself to apologize to the 'Golden boy' but something about you made me do it. Your emerald eyes pulled me in to a place where I couldn't escape. Somewhere I didn't want to escape from. "I know you don't trust me and I don't blame you. I think you should know that I never took the dark mark. I don't want to be controlled by him. I'm on your side Harry."_

_You looked at me in surprise but that soon changed in your face to amusement then back to pain. I never did understand, at that point, why you seemed so empty. I just remember you taking my apology with a smile appearing. I felt amazed that I could make you smile like that instead of hurt or angry._

_From that day we became friends. No one liked it of course but you didn't seem to care. You stood up for me, told everyone I was fighting alongside you and not betraying you. I still can't get over the fact that you trusted me so much. It made me feel warm inside, a feeling that only you made me feel. I miss that feeling._

_Then seventh year came. The year where everything bad could have possibly happen. Finding the horcruxes with you wasn't easy but we did it and I loved spending the company with you. Ron was a little irritating but weasel's normally are. I can still hear your voice saying "Stop calling him weasel, Draco." But you said it with a smile on your face so I knew you were saying it nicely. I never actually did stop calling him weasel and I probably won't. Habits are hard to break._

_I loved your optimism that you had through the whole search for the horcruxes. The emptiness gone from your eyes once the search began. But then we made it into Hogwarts. That was when the war began and my heart sank. I could tell in your eyes that this was the time you had to fight he-who-must-not-be-named. _

_I didn't want you to go; I wanted to grab you and hold you safely in my arms. I wanted to tell you how much my heart wanted you. How much I wanted you. But you had to go, so I followed you and tried to help._

_Then the moment came that I was dreading. You being face to face with he-who-must-not-be-named while none of us could do a thing to help you. It had to be you to kill him, I knew that, but I had to fight every urge in my body to step in front of any curse that came your way. Then you two yelled something and a bright white light filled the whole area around everyone._

_When it disappeared I noticed he-who-must-not-be-named lying on the ground dead. A smile crept on my face until I looked over at you. My heart dropped. There was nothing I could do when I grabbed your limp body. You weren't breathing or moving. People moved closer to us, they cried out screaming your name and some knelt on the ground. But I paid no attention to them as I held you in my arms with tears rolling down my face. I waited for you to start breathing again because you were the-boy-who-lived also known as the-boy-who-never-dies and I was relying on that. _

_We never were able to help you. It was too late by the time the death eaters left. His curse rebounded after hitting you; it hit him killing him instantly. I don't know how long I was there for holding your body in my arms. I remember Ron and Hermione holding each other crying and Arthur Weasley trying to get me to get up. Instead of letting him help me up and laid myself across your body shaking. _

_My heart broke; I was a broken piece of the world. I never was able to tell you my true feelings for you. Never able to show you what you meant to me. I will never be able to hold you and spoil you. _

_I can still feel you around sometimes. Your voice is getting fainter in my mind and it kills me to not hear it as much as I used to. I just hope I don't stop feeling you. You still mean the world to me Harry James Potter. You have had my heart since first year and it will always belong to you. _

_I get along better with Hermione and the weasel better than before. I've even had a couple dinners with the two. But I refrain from calling Ron 'weasel' around him. For you, Harry. We don't talk about you much knowing that it's a painful subject to all of us. I even confessed my feelings for you to them. They both looked shocked then pained. They now know a secret about you that you will never know and it hurts me inside knowing that you will never hear me say I love you Harry. _

_You are now safe with your family that you deserved to have a long time ago. A family that should have never been taken from you. I'm only glad that you don't have to live with that burden anymore. That you are now free to be you. You have changed me Harry Potter into someone so much better than what I was before. Knowing and loving you was the best decision of my life. It pains me to say my goodbyes to you but I will see you again in the near future. You are now free Harry._

_I will always love you my raven haired Gryffindor._

_Love always,_

_Your Draco Malfoy_

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Draco stood outside of Harry's tomb that lay next to Lily and James Potter's grave. It was slightly snowing and there weren't many people around at this time of night. He stood there by the tomb for over three hours. Tears lined his eyes and he didn't bother to care about the chill air that ripped through his jacket. He had multiple feelings flying through him at that moment and he couldn't care less.

Falling to the ground he stared down at the envelope in his hands. A single name written in the middle of it '_Harry'. _He kissed the letter gently and waved his wand. The letter disappeared into Harry's tomb to rest with him forever. With that done he hugged his knees letting tears fall for the hundredth time that night. _I love you Harry, I miss you,_ he thought.

Ron and Hermione found him like that a half hour later and took him back to his house. Draco never stopped visiting Harry. He felt the need to visit him at least once a month.

What Draco didn't know was that Harry really was there beside him. Unseen to Draco, but was able to make Draco feel him when he needed it the most. Harry never left Draco's side, even to go visit his tomb. He even read Draco's letter.

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I hope you liked it! Please review and let me know. Thanks!


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